New Kids Book Teaches Neo-Liberal Activism

Sick of the same old sexist, patriarchal fairy tales and typical, boring ABC books for your babies? Ever wish you could find a way to explain the ins and outs of the protest culture to your toddler? Do you find “Green Eggs and Ham” a little wanting in the “justice” department?

Well fear no more. One brave activist has found a way for concerned parents to change their offspring from boring old babies to conscientious objectors. It’s as easy as ABC!

Innosanto Nagara is a graphic designer in Oakland, CA who prides himself on working for “the Movement.” When Nagara became a father he found it troubling that there weren’t a lot of children’s books out there that were properly teaching about the philosophies that brought us North Korea, the Castros and shared oppression. He decided to use his skill set to create an early childhood indoctrination boardbook – ‘A is for Activist.’

I took the liberty of lifting a couple of the sample pages from Nagara’s book (available at his site for free viewing) and fixing some of the ideas. Here are some examples of the how I think this book could be made better.

C is for Corporate Vultures!   

My version:

I would never discourage your creativity.

You can be whatever you want to be.

Unless it’s a business owner with the audacity,

To grow his business so large he needs many employees.

If you become too good at what you do

And earn enough to support what’s important to you,

Keep in mind I’ll call you a vulture too

And curse you for your revenue.

So remember to work hard but not too hard, son.

Or we’ll call you a sellout, protest you and shun

All the good that you do with your profits hard-won.

Achievement is a shame from which you must run.

D is for democracy!

My version:

Democracy is mob rule but sometimes MOBS RULE!

Looking out for the minority isn’t very cool.

We live a Republic, from sea to shining sea,

Where the individual is the smallest minority.

Democracy means only the majority matter.

Any other views are simply useless chatter.

In a democracy we would never have had a Martin Luther King,

A Civil rights movement or discussions that might bring

More freedom and rights to the weakest among us.

The right to sit at the front of the bus.

The majority would never have voted for that

And tyranny would have remained our habitat.

Our Republic is flawed but by far the best choice,

For it gives both the strong and the weak an audible voice.

 P is for pro-pro-protest!  Q is for Question!

My version:

Poo-poo-pooping. Pooping on cars.

Throwing Molotov cocktails and

Getting thrown behind bars.

It’s cooler than voting

And easier than work.

We could vote for change

But its more fun to be a jerk.

Stand in the street,

Block commuters from their jobs.

Supporting your family

Is clearly for snobs.

Nothing says “We fight for the little guy”

More than preventing him from driving by

And going to the job that feeds his kids.

When you’re making a point

Who cares who hits the skids?

Q is for question

It is important to ask questions

And encourage curiosity.

Like Why does Al Gore have a 12,000 square foot mansion

but discourage the same for me?

Why do famous green activists lecture

About oil and carbon footprints

From the comfort of their gas-guzzling yachts

And their jets fit for a prince?

Why do you say the government

Has no business in your womb,

But when it comes to birth control

You scream “Pay for it!” as you fume.

Why are people who scream loudest

For tolerance and open minds

Usually the most hateful, the most demanding

And the most unkind?

Why do they limit their tolerance

To only those whom agree?

And shout, “You must be evil,

If you don’t think just like me!”?

What if we all could argue,

And debate and have our say,

While recognizing we are all valuable

And worthy at the end of the day.

 

S is for Selfish!

My version:

S is for selfish. It is selfish indeed

To ignore the plight of poor families in need.

That “sludge” gives the single mother affordable heat

So she can use her scarce earnings to eat.

Oil is the fuel that powers freedom.

It provides cheap energies to those

Who really need them.

Ethanol is expensive

And steals food that we need.

Solar panels burn birds alive

With tragic speed.

Water we drink, so that’s not good fuel.

Windmills steal open space

And chop birds. Now that’s cruel!

Oil has one purpose –

To serve our human progress.

Those who struggle should have more

Not be making due with less.

Nagara’s goals are noble. He wants to teach his son to be a part of a larger conversation about caring for your fellow-man. To this end, he includes some positive historical figures in his book such as Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King. Unfortunately they are included alongside disturbing figures like racist homophobe Mahatma Gandhi and socialists Dorothy Day and Caesar Chavez. As a former socialist I know that such conversations – while initially noble – almost always end up in oppression, starvation and the suppression of individuality and creativity.

And so, in closing I’d like to add:

I guess I’ll leave my activist friends

With one last thought for the day.

I see you have passion for change

And I think that’s okay.

But don’t forget the blessings

That our great nation does provide.

The precious right to earn and love

And build and create and thrive.

America is not perfect.

Mankind is not without flaw.

But our unique brand of freedom

Remains a steady draw

To those who seek our lifestyle

Of freedom and opportunity.

Never forget how many have died

For the chance to be you and me.

Feel free to add your own “letters” in the comments.