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My commute home was taking longer than normal. Having forgotten my driver’s license I limited my speed to five mph over the speed limit and pulled into the second tollbooth en route.

Paying the newly increased double-cash toll, I again castigated my forgetfulness for leaving the I-Pass transponder in the car I had switched with my wife. What an unabashed fleecing of poor people without credit cards and out-of-staters, I thought, while digging through my pockets.

Because she left work earlier my wife was relegated to taking the car I normally drove to the state emissions check center for the fourth time. To date, six hundred dollars were invested with my local mechanic trying to find the cause of the emissions rejection.  Hopefully, this time….

Making sure my bluetooth was engaged (another potential cause of getting pulled over, I dialed Sue.

“Hi, honey.”

“Hi, before you ask. The car failed the test again.”

With calmness that surprised me I replied, “Well we’ll take it back to Joe again next week.”  Somehow any guilt for my potentially atmosphere-destroying car escaped me.

“Could you be a dear and pick up some things on the way home?  I feel like I’m coming down with something.”

“Sure,” I said, now parked at a filling station pump and making a list of what she wanted.

With the price of gas up again I shook my head and reflected on the irony of the country’s  fossil fuel reserves  being by far the largest in the world and increasing yearly with new discoveries. I wondered how shutting down coal-generating plants (considering that  air quality is improving ), axing pipeline construction, and thwarting offshore drilling would set with our ancestors’ desire for independence.

Entering the mega store with list in hand, I gathered food items for our annual President’s day party that, of course, never fell on a President’s birthday. With groceries gathered I remembered the fun the guys had at last year’s party on the shooting range while the women went shopping.

I presented my “Firearms Owners Identification Card” (FOID) to the clerk in the sporting-goods section and asked for two boxes of 22-long rifle cartridges. After scanning my card she informed me that the card had expired last week.

In the homegoods section I asked for two cans of green metallic spray paint on my list to touch up some lawn furniture but was refused, as I couldn’t produce a driver’s license.

Remembering Stu’s upcoming birthday and his admiration of our decorative fireplace lighter, I asked the same lady where I might find them. She told me all  novelty lighters  had been outlawed in Illinois as of the first of the year.

Scanning my list I asked her as she started to leave if 100-watt light bulbs were still available. She gave me a perplexed look and said sorry before quickly abandoning me.

Having struck out in that section, I headed for the pharmacy to pick up some cold medicine for Sue. Again, lacking identification, I was denied.

The last on my list was drain cleaner for the sluggish basement sink drain. To my amazement I was told  a new Illinois law required photo identification and signature on a log for the purchase of caustic drain cleaners.

“This is absolute bs,” I told the young clerk louder than intended.

“Sir, we have no choice,” he said before keying his mic and asking for security.

Catching myself, I apologized and headed for checkout lacking much on my list. While waiting in line I contemplated the meaning of what was in and not in the cart, abandoned the cart, and quietly left the mega store.

Still driving cautiously, I gave no slack to a yellow light and stopped quickly only to hear screeching tires behind me, fortunately not followed by a jolt. I ignored the driver behind gesturing and remembered the safety pretense used to sell the traffic-light cameras  now discredited to expose the real reason-revenue enhancement.

“How are you feeling?” I asked Sue on entering the house.

“I’m okay, didn’t you get the party supplies and the other items?”

“No, I didn’t. There will be no President’s day party this year. To have one would only remind us of our failures.”

Have a fulfilling and profitable day,

WC (Bill) Augustine

5 Responses

  1. Bridget

    More evidence that Voter ID (especially in Crook County) is not only NOT RACIST as the lying left propagandizes, but amounts to a ‘no brainer’ considering how many times we have to show it per day. IL and every other state run by Democrats is a tax nightmare, is broke and is strangled by insane regulations. Societal improvements? What marxist BS. Brain dead liberals believe whatever the elitists tell them to believe.

  2. Napervillian

    About your car,if it does not burn oil then:
    get a can of Seafoam new air cleaner (if dirty)

    ok do not tack to same mechanic do not go to same test facility

    gas low put Seafoam in tank and clear car computer (disconnect battery negative) if you have (a persistent) check engine light this will not work

    timing is everything if you have an intermittent sensor you need to test the car before a trouble code gets logged again they test the car by plugging in to the otb2 connector. also after you clear the computer it will take a few minutes for the computer to go into closed loop mode. ALSO very important have code for radio so you can get it to work again (anti theft code) disclaimer I have done this for GM cars only, squeaked two by this way.

    hope this helps


  3. shintow

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